On the 45th day of this journey, I am greatly grateful to have been able to share this path with the world. To open myself and face the fears.
In the last two days, I had to step back to breathe about this. Realize the progress. See that what I came to do here, I have accomplished. I have opened myself, I have felt the love and I have faith again.
I still have a lot of road ahead of me, but, as I knew without a doubt I had to come here in the first place, I also know, with the same certitude, that the rest of the path is a silent one, at least for now. One that needs introspection, time to explore and feel at my own rhythm what inhabits me. It was quite difficult for me to realize this, as I grew fond to coming here. It is hard to see sometimes that what was good is no more, that the change is too great and that a new destination needs to be taken.
Starting a new journey is exiting. It is full of the unexpected. Very much like when I started this blog a month and a half ago. I am not in full awareness of what I can do, I am not done, I am still baking, but truly I am a reluctant medium no more. As I shed the resistances like a snake sheds its skin, as I get more liberated day by day, I know I can finally say goodbye to my old friends: Harsh Judgement, Need to Fit In and Jesus Complex (see Facing the demons boxing match style), as the line has to be drawn here. They could accompany me this far, but no further. I can only thank them for their clumsy ways. Kiss them farewell and take my train to my own destination where I am already accompanied by new friends, inside of me, who support me, love me and encourage me.
At the end of this first step, I have no recipes to offer. This path is merely my own. All I can hope is that it can encourage others who would be afraid too, to embark on their personal path and face their own fears so they can too find liberation, believe that no matter what the outcome is, they have a right to exist as who they are.
As for me, the path is not over yet, it just begun. And on the wings of this new love and faith, I can now feel flowing inside my body, I know it is time to leave this blog behind, close the door to the past and leave this nest I had built for myself to learn to fly again and connect.
We may cross path again in the future. Who knows what is to come? After this time of solitude, deep in teachings, maybe I'll come back to share again.
So I do not bid you Adieu, but simply farewell, until then...
May your lives be filled with love and joy!
Edited August 4th, 2011:
I woke up this morning with a new blog idea all laid out for me: Musings of an apprentice Medium.
I still need time to rest and recuperate from such an intense journey, so I will go about starting this new blog later this month only.
So far, what I can tell, is that I won't write that blog as often as I used to when I came here, as not everything will be sharable. But I am looking forward to keeping a link to the outside world, and I feel this is what it could procure.
So keep in touch. I'll take this very slowly, as I really don't want to overdo it or please or feel people are waiting for me. I'll be back though, in my own time (smile).
Wave!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
About meditation
I know sleep has always been the first thing I control when I feel I am losing control. I have no control much yet in everything that has happened to me since I first felt the presence of my new guide by my side. It goes too fast and I try to slow it down the best I can.
I think I forget how much control I actually do have. I asked for energy to go down and they did. This is so much better. Not as high, something is a little different, maybe more earthly, but the other state was not enough earthly anymore. The transition was too fast.
I do do a lot of polarity on my body these days. The energy is stuck and not moving properly. I know my body is resilient, but I have hurt it so much, not respecting its limits so much, I try my best to be nice to it and I feel like a big bear trying to hug an ant and afraid to squish it out of clumsiness.
Yesterday I started a conversation with my guide about meditation and decided to write it down. It was too interesting to let it fade in my memory only leaving a faint impression.
Here is the message I got:
My guide: There is no need to go about it the way you do. People find, all, their own way to communicate with the source, with the self, with the matter that unites all things.
Meditation is but a mean. No one is forcing you to use it. there are millions of ways to make that same connection, even more so if you think in higher numbers because there is as many ways as there are people who want to communicate.
No one communicates exactly the same way. You write down messages, it is your way to do it. Why try another mean when you already found one?
Me: While I write, I don't really rest, I don't really breathe.
My guide: I do make you breathe though. This is your meditation. Your form of expression. Many times you seem to think you have to force yourself in a frame that doesn't suit you. Bad frame. Bad picture. You need to find the proper way for you to woo God and to find the way to His Heart. This can be achieved by simply being yourself.
This applied to other people would mean they have to find their own way to reach the Creator, not a pre-fabricated one. What exists is merely a way to show you how a path can be taken. But each individual needs to find its own path. No rules for everyone, as God speaks to all in different languages, in different vibrations and communicates in their heart in the only way it means something to you.
This is why teaching religion is such a hard enterprise. To keep God simple, attainable for all, yet not reduce the greatness of who He is.
This is what meditation is all about. Find the proper way to express love to all things that surround you. Some stroll near a pond, some will eat, some will have fun and dance, some will be very serious about it, approaching it like a mathematical equation. There is no need, but there is no wrong way to do it. If that way suits them, then it is the best way for them. They oughtn't change.
I am done now talking about meditation as I can tell your mind got peace from what I said. Meditate or not on what I said to your wish. I simply hope you can finally accept your own way is your best way. No need for candles, incense or any other stimulants. Be in peace. Communicate with an open heart. Then, in the heart of things you are right where you want to be. You are with God.
* * *
The ending makes my heart melt in so many ways, I feel I am melting into love. It moves me to a point where I have no words to express it.
How can this stranger, that I can't call a stranger anymore, can have so much affect on me? How can he melt long term resistances that were hard as steel in so little time and in so little words?
I have no idea how this all speak to others. My friend said that reading the blogs she feels she can almost hear them, that it elevates her energies. Is it a universal feeling? Or just something I share only with close people to me who will feel it through me because they know me?
Because I know I am supposed to share this without a single doubt, I believe that this is probably for everyone to be impressed by what means something to them. Find their own meaning and truth in those words.
I do realize that many times a day I will be reminded to breathe. Take a good breath here and there, a small gentle push to make me breathe life in my body again. I never new meditation could be beautiful. I almost hated it because it felt like a stranger to me. I felt I had to do something that other did that made me feel uncomfortable. I though that spiritual progress was to become a certain image I had in my head. The illuminated man sitting like a lotus and not quite out of this world anymore. I didn't feel it talked to me. I never understood that what I do is already meditation. That who I am, the way I am is already meditating all day long even when I am not aware of it at different degrees of vibrations. I didn't understand we do not have to be highly connected to feel God. That he can be accessed in every tiny small things without even the slightest need to elevate yourself to Him. He will come down to you. Not really even, as he is already at our level. Finally I didn't understand that to be with God is the simplest thing of all. To achieve spiritual enlightenment doesn't require any work, any readings, any years and years of trying, it just requires an open heart.
"Be in peace. Communicate with an open heart. Then, in the heart of things you are right where you want to be. You are with God."
These words I read so many times since yesterday. I can't keep them out of my mind.
* * *
I managed to calm the voices in my head. To cut the communication and stop the voices, find my off switch, the lightsaber seems to work after all, maybe because in my head I know that if I cut the link with such a blade no thread will grow back right away like it does when I use a mental cutter. This is why I think I managed to sleep. I can hear faint voices in the back of my mind but not in the foreground. There is a veil and I see that if I need to, I can push the imagery to imagine I am closing the door to an attic and closing it behind key. When I go down the ladder I leave them up there and I go down on the ground.
So far it seems to work so it is a relief, because living with voices talking all the time is a pain. It reminds me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In season 3, in the episode "Earshot" she got bit by a monster who gave her his demon qualities of hearing people's thought. As fun as it was to have that gift to start with, she spiraled down unable to keep with all the voices in her head. Shutting down, unable to respond anymore. In the last few days, those voices were so active for me, the brain was over-solicited so much, that it felt the exact same way to me.
Again, I am reminded to rest and add a lot of fun to my life. Breathe, rest, have fun, try not to work as much, as I can tell this is almost the same energy that propulsed me to do all these burnouts many years ago.
I want to learn to respect my rhythm, to learn to recognize when fun needs to be added and when it is time to work, All work and no play is not good for anyone. Even if it is to be closer to a beautiful world filled with angels and light and spiritual enlightenment.
I think I forget how much control I actually do have. I asked for energy to go down and they did. This is so much better. Not as high, something is a little different, maybe more earthly, but the other state was not enough earthly anymore. The transition was too fast.
I do do a lot of polarity on my body these days. The energy is stuck and not moving properly. I know my body is resilient, but I have hurt it so much, not respecting its limits so much, I try my best to be nice to it and I feel like a big bear trying to hug an ant and afraid to squish it out of clumsiness.
Yesterday I started a conversation with my guide about meditation and decided to write it down. It was too interesting to let it fade in my memory only leaving a faint impression.
Here is the message I got:
My guide: There is no need to go about it the way you do. People find, all, their own way to communicate with the source, with the self, with the matter that unites all things.
Meditation is but a mean. No one is forcing you to use it. there are millions of ways to make that same connection, even more so if you think in higher numbers because there is as many ways as there are people who want to communicate.
No one communicates exactly the same way. You write down messages, it is your way to do it. Why try another mean when you already found one?
Me: While I write, I don't really rest, I don't really breathe.
My guide: I do make you breathe though. This is your meditation. Your form of expression. Many times you seem to think you have to force yourself in a frame that doesn't suit you. Bad frame. Bad picture. You need to find the proper way for you to woo God and to find the way to His Heart. This can be achieved by simply being yourself.
This applied to other people would mean they have to find their own way to reach the Creator, not a pre-fabricated one. What exists is merely a way to show you how a path can be taken. But each individual needs to find its own path. No rules for everyone, as God speaks to all in different languages, in different vibrations and communicates in their heart in the only way it means something to you.
This is why teaching religion is such a hard enterprise. To keep God simple, attainable for all, yet not reduce the greatness of who He is.
This is what meditation is all about. Find the proper way to express love to all things that surround you. Some stroll near a pond, some will eat, some will have fun and dance, some will be very serious about it, approaching it like a mathematical equation. There is no need, but there is no wrong way to do it. If that way suits them, then it is the best way for them. They oughtn't change.
I am done now talking about meditation as I can tell your mind got peace from what I said. Meditate or not on what I said to your wish. I simply hope you can finally accept your own way is your best way. No need for candles, incense or any other stimulants. Be in peace. Communicate with an open heart. Then, in the heart of things you are right where you want to be. You are with God.
* * *
The ending makes my heart melt in so many ways, I feel I am melting into love. It moves me to a point where I have no words to express it.
How can this stranger, that I can't call a stranger anymore, can have so much affect on me? How can he melt long term resistances that were hard as steel in so little time and in so little words?
I have no idea how this all speak to others. My friend said that reading the blogs she feels she can almost hear them, that it elevates her energies. Is it a universal feeling? Or just something I share only with close people to me who will feel it through me because they know me?
Because I know I am supposed to share this without a single doubt, I believe that this is probably for everyone to be impressed by what means something to them. Find their own meaning and truth in those words.
I do realize that many times a day I will be reminded to breathe. Take a good breath here and there, a small gentle push to make me breathe life in my body again. I never new meditation could be beautiful. I almost hated it because it felt like a stranger to me. I felt I had to do something that other did that made me feel uncomfortable. I though that spiritual progress was to become a certain image I had in my head. The illuminated man sitting like a lotus and not quite out of this world anymore. I didn't feel it talked to me. I never understood that what I do is already meditation. That who I am, the way I am is already meditating all day long even when I am not aware of it at different degrees of vibrations. I didn't understand we do not have to be highly connected to feel God. That he can be accessed in every tiny small things without even the slightest need to elevate yourself to Him. He will come down to you. Not really even, as he is already at our level. Finally I didn't understand that to be with God is the simplest thing of all. To achieve spiritual enlightenment doesn't require any work, any readings, any years and years of trying, it just requires an open heart.
"Be in peace. Communicate with an open heart. Then, in the heart of things you are right where you want to be. You are with God."
These words I read so many times since yesterday. I can't keep them out of my mind.
* * *
I managed to calm the voices in my head. To cut the communication and stop the voices, find my off switch, the lightsaber seems to work after all, maybe because in my head I know that if I cut the link with such a blade no thread will grow back right away like it does when I use a mental cutter. This is why I think I managed to sleep. I can hear faint voices in the back of my mind but not in the foreground. There is a veil and I see that if I need to, I can push the imagery to imagine I am closing the door to an attic and closing it behind key. When I go down the ladder I leave them up there and I go down on the ground.
So far it seems to work so it is a relief, because living with voices talking all the time is a pain. It reminds me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In season 3, in the episode "Earshot" she got bit by a monster who gave her his demon qualities of hearing people's thought. As fun as it was to have that gift to start with, she spiraled down unable to keep with all the voices in her head. Shutting down, unable to respond anymore. In the last few days, those voices were so active for me, the brain was over-solicited so much, that it felt the exact same way to me.
Again, I am reminded to rest and add a lot of fun to my life. Breathe, rest, have fun, try not to work as much, as I can tell this is almost the same energy that propulsed me to do all these burnouts many years ago.
I want to learn to respect my rhythm, to learn to recognize when fun needs to be added and when it is time to work, All work and no play is not good for anyone. Even if it is to be closer to a beautiful world filled with angels and light and spiritual enlightenment.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The gates have opened
It started when a friend of my husband asked for a message. Because I am quick to answer for a cry for help, I did it last night in the middle of the night instead of sleeping. I will need to meditate more on that, as this need to comfort and help others is not quite what it should be. I still need time to learn correctly how to put my limits as it is becoming an increasing problem if I don't learn how to listen to my needs first.
15 minutes later I had 4 pages laid down, framed with titles, detailed information on the state of the soul both emotionally and physically, the treatment laid down to come back from such a deep state of despair and all that again without a single scratch. The only thing was that from time to time I was drowsing and that they were waiting for me to come back to continue.
I have never had a diagnosis before, or anything remotely resembling that. Because of the obvious link to my new guide, I asked him afterwards if it had anything to do with him and he said no. That those entities where not the same phenomenon and that though similar in effect it was not linked. The message was catered to the person and had to sound that specific way to make the proper impression
All I can do is my best. Even though I don't doubt myself on what happened, I understand that the message only is worth anything if it talks to the person. As I have said before, I am really aware how subjective this is. I am not perfect and even though my heart is fully in it, there is so much that is way beyond my control here and I am am but an apprentice on this path, not a guide or a master.
This message, even if made for the wrong reason to become a savior, did help me make the final push and open up the gates to the other side. Open to more then for myself. I am happy that I managed to open up those gates with my heart and not my brain. "All is connected". That, I have heard from every angel, guide, God, Jesus, everyone, at all times. This reminds me how true it is. How one's needs is also the other's and that together we are in constant collaboration.
This bout of insomnia is starting to be not good though. My husband is highly concerned and looked at me with worried eyes today: "You are going to burn yourself out", he said. And it is true. I can't seem to stop.
What I need to be very careful with is that there is no off switch that works for me right now. I keep hearing things in my head all the time and this doesn't help to sleep either. I had the sudden memory of a trick I had to cut the communication before when it was too strong, use a cutter in my imagination and cut the link like it is a rope, but it is barely working. Even my husband's suggestion to use a lightsaber is not working very well yet!
I will really need to rest. I asked to have my energy lowered a bit and they did, maybe it will help.
15 minutes later I had 4 pages laid down, framed with titles, detailed information on the state of the soul both emotionally and physically, the treatment laid down to come back from such a deep state of despair and all that again without a single scratch. The only thing was that from time to time I was drowsing and that they were waiting for me to come back to continue.
I have never had a diagnosis before, or anything remotely resembling that. Because of the obvious link to my new guide, I asked him afterwards if it had anything to do with him and he said no. That those entities where not the same phenomenon and that though similar in effect it was not linked. The message was catered to the person and had to sound that specific way to make the proper impression
All I can do is my best. Even though I don't doubt myself on what happened, I understand that the message only is worth anything if it talks to the person. As I have said before, I am really aware how subjective this is. I am not perfect and even though my heart is fully in it, there is so much that is way beyond my control here and I am am but an apprentice on this path, not a guide or a master.
This message, even if made for the wrong reason to become a savior, did help me make the final push and open up the gates to the other side. Open to more then for myself. I am happy that I managed to open up those gates with my heart and not my brain. "All is connected". That, I have heard from every angel, guide, God, Jesus, everyone, at all times. This reminds me how true it is. How one's needs is also the other's and that together we are in constant collaboration.
This bout of insomnia is starting to be not good though. My husband is highly concerned and looked at me with worried eyes today: "You are going to burn yourself out", he said. And it is true. I can't seem to stop.
What I need to be very careful with is that there is no off switch that works for me right now. I keep hearing things in my head all the time and this doesn't help to sleep either. I had the sudden memory of a trick I had to cut the communication before when it was too strong, use a cutter in my imagination and cut the link like it is a rope, but it is barely working. Even my husband's suggestion to use a lightsaber is not working very well yet!
I will really need to rest. I asked to have my energy lowered a bit and they did, maybe it will help.
There is no coincidence
I feel like a bride who is led to the altar. This wonderful feeling of love is so strong it is like what I felt for Frédéric Chopin, 17 years ago. Back then after he told me several time he loved me and finally asked me to marry him and I had said yes (The journey so far). I did't understand what it meant. I understand now that this has nothing to do with an earthly wedding, with a earthly love, with marriage even. It is a union and merely a reflection that is shown to us in a way we can understand.
I say we, as finally I got to talk to my dear friend this morning and she told me it was the same for her guide (also a famous dead person) and her. When I had made the messages for her, I didn't know who her guide was, yet what he said she recognized. The messages were saying specific things that she had just read and not shared. She, too, very much like me with Chopin, had thought she was crazy and wished for it to go away many times. And the only support I could give her was to make the messages for her to explain that unbreakable and unexplainable link and accompany her with the faded memory of what had happened with Chopin when I was in a state of denial too.
She sent me the article about Edgar Cayce last week (First contact after years of denial) and before that article all I knew was vaguely his name for being famous and that he had said things about Atlantis, as I remember looking for that when I had a similar vision to his many years ago (without knowing his in the first place). I didn't know he did readings or slept or was called the sleeping prophet. I had no idea what he looked like, what he had done, just basically that he had a famous name that we don't even pronounce the same in French) My friend told me that when she read the article she said she thought that that man was like me. A simple man who could do big things and that I might find comfort in the fact that he didn't charge people and it was possible to have such a vision.
She told me today that prior to sending me the article she had felt her guide again (and I remember telling her as such last week that I had felt him actively back in her circle. A small communication I had done for her before the big one hit with Edgar Cayce) As she has been my anchor to learn the whole process it does not surprise me that again, she would be the first one I would have a communication for before starting floating again with other guides. My friend, told me her guide was back and she felt him when she moved in her new house, that she also prepared dinner and sat on the couch and he was right there on tv. How many time is he on normal tv? This was more then coincidence.
She said she read the article about Garrett and Cayce, coming from her roommate's Lifetime collection, her roommate being yet another soul who has accompanied me many times on the path of learning this gift and for whom I have explored realms that beforehand, I only thought existed in fairy tales and fantasy novels or games. A soul so beautiful, that I know that for her too, accepting the reality of who she is on this Earth is a challenge just in itself.
So, that Edgar Cayce came into my life through the means of those two other souls so dear to me, is no coincidence at all anymore. My friend told me she just knew she had to send the pages right away. Now. And that her roommate being tired she would never have pressed her to scan and send them under normal circumstances. But as she felt the irrepressible urge to do so. She understood that those were not normal circumstances and she did all she could, so I could get hold of the article right away.
Not only did I connect to Edgar Cayce's story in every fiber of my being, but I got to share with her the experience of feeling Edgar Cayce around me, validating, after so many years, point by point, what she had and still is feeling for her guide: a love that transcends everything a human being seems to be able to feel. She told me she felt as she was so small that God had to borrow her love because she couldn't do it all on her own, that's how big it was.
So here I am, deep in love with a being I don't know. A kind of love I know I felt a few times before for others and especially for Jesus when he came to me so many times. But not being religious and not being sure he had really existed, I never really let myself feel as much, even though it was probably, in retrospect, even more powerful then this.
The flow is on and I can't seem to find the off switch yet.
I say we, as finally I got to talk to my dear friend this morning and she told me it was the same for her guide (also a famous dead person) and her. When I had made the messages for her, I didn't know who her guide was, yet what he said she recognized. The messages were saying specific things that she had just read and not shared. She, too, very much like me with Chopin, had thought she was crazy and wished for it to go away many times. And the only support I could give her was to make the messages for her to explain that unbreakable and unexplainable link and accompany her with the faded memory of what had happened with Chopin when I was in a state of denial too.
She sent me the article about Edgar Cayce last week (First contact after years of denial) and before that article all I knew was vaguely his name for being famous and that he had said things about Atlantis, as I remember looking for that when I had a similar vision to his many years ago (without knowing his in the first place). I didn't know he did readings or slept or was called the sleeping prophet. I had no idea what he looked like, what he had done, just basically that he had a famous name that we don't even pronounce the same in French) My friend told me that when she read the article she said she thought that that man was like me. A simple man who could do big things and that I might find comfort in the fact that he didn't charge people and it was possible to have such a vision.
She told me today that prior to sending me the article she had felt her guide again (and I remember telling her as such last week that I had felt him actively back in her circle. A small communication I had done for her before the big one hit with Edgar Cayce) As she has been my anchor to learn the whole process it does not surprise me that again, she would be the first one I would have a communication for before starting floating again with other guides. My friend, told me her guide was back and she felt him when she moved in her new house, that she also prepared dinner and sat on the couch and he was right there on tv. How many time is he on normal tv? This was more then coincidence.
She said she read the article about Garrett and Cayce, coming from her roommate's Lifetime collection, her roommate being yet another soul who has accompanied me many times on the path of learning this gift and for whom I have explored realms that beforehand, I only thought existed in fairy tales and fantasy novels or games. A soul so beautiful, that I know that for her too, accepting the reality of who she is on this Earth is a challenge just in itself.
So, that Edgar Cayce came into my life through the means of those two other souls so dear to me, is no coincidence at all anymore. My friend told me she just knew she had to send the pages right away. Now. And that her roommate being tired she would never have pressed her to scan and send them under normal circumstances. But as she felt the irrepressible urge to do so. She understood that those were not normal circumstances and she did all she could, so I could get hold of the article right away.
Not only did I connect to Edgar Cayce's story in every fiber of my being, but I got to share with her the experience of feeling Edgar Cayce around me, validating, after so many years, point by point, what she had and still is feeling for her guide: a love that transcends everything a human being seems to be able to feel. She told me she felt as she was so small that God had to borrow her love because she couldn't do it all on her own, that's how big it was.
So here I am, deep in love with a being I don't know. A kind of love I know I felt a few times before for others and especially for Jesus when he came to me so many times. But not being religious and not being sure he had really existed, I never really let myself feel as much, even though it was probably, in retrospect, even more powerful then this.
The flow is on and I can't seem to find the off switch yet.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
How written messages work
Yesterday, I wondered about how come it can tire me so much to write down a message when I can just talk with invisible beings without feeling tired at all. Discussing the difference between the two states with my husband he told me that it might be something akin to digital versus making a hard copy of something, or listening to a song versus writing every chord down,
And then it hit me, that it is somewhat true. When I only talk, my brain functions are not that active. It doesn't require any motor action of my body and a lot of it doesn't require actual words. A little like telepathy. Sometimes, in one impression I understand many sentences or they don't even use words I know what they mean.
When I sit down to write it down, the thoughts have to actualize in a body that will become words on the paper, a solid form. The nice folks I talked to in the 9th dimension (see Entities that defy all logic) gave me a whole lesson on that many years ago. It was a very simplified way to see things, with lots of different examples and metaphors to help grasp the concept. The gist of it was that the higher the energy is the more it resembles when we fast forward a tape on a video player without the image on. We do not see the image and this would be the state of certain beings when they talk and communicate. We, on Earth would look, compared to it, like a video on slow motion where you see it move frame by frame. They insisted a lot in not comparing the two states, that one was not better then the other, but simply different expressions of the same essence (as we are all one).
Applied to what happens to me, I think that when I am up there alone with them, no paper, no pen to write it on, I elevate my vibrations towards them to vibrate closer to their level. As this is a more normal state for me anyway, for most of those entities, I won't feel the slightest change at all. It is exactly like picking up the phone and talking to a dear friend and hanging up when I decide to go do something else (though it seems I might close it on my end, but they don't on theirs). This reminds me of the fast forward action on the VCR.
When I sit down and write down what I hear, then it is quite the contrary that happens. The words have to take physical form and the energy has to be adapted to that. It is a constant stream of finding balance between those two states. Then, still using the same metaphor of the VCR, the action, compared to when I just talk easily, seems to be slowed down to a twinkle.
I don't know if it can be as easily explained as that. I only talk with them, I elevate myself to them, They communicate with me through writing and they have to get their energy down, bringing me along with them to make the process of writing possible. This is something I could really delve into some more another time, as this was a whole chapter in the book I wrote with them. And it is obvious that this is only the surface of something that goes way deeper.
I have no idea really what it is, just musings for now. I don't think I ever thought of that before though, the difference between the writing and none writing state. I did try, once, with a close friend to just say what I was hearing instead of writing it. It was very difficult. I still was hearing them talking, continuing their thoughts, while I had to basically talk over them making the whole process very cumbersome. Not only, but it was too much to bear for my friend too. Every time I am giving her a message, she has to put herself in a state to receive it. To feel the whole thing there raw is quite overwhelming and can be too much to take. I guess it depends on people. But for me, it makes me feel quite uneasy to feel I have to be a kind of translator who hears, talks and has to continue hearing while they continue to talk and I am talking. It's messy. And if I put them on pause to just say things bit by bit, the whole flow is broken. That and the fact that it is way more tiring then writing in the end.
So I don't know if I'll ever find a better way to do it. I type quite fast on a keyboard, but not fast enough to keep up with the speed messages come by. Talking about it to my husband again today, asking about the message I made for him, he said he remembered I just couldn't make it all up as I was writing so fast it felt like those old machine with a ticker tape. I am always quite stunned by this because I don't see myself do it so it feels all normal to me and not that fast. But it is true that in that state I can write huge amount of pages in very little time, compared to what I could accomplish normally, even with a good inspiration going on.
It hasn't happened again yet, but I remember hearing things many sentences ahead and couldn't keep up because they were already further then what I had time to transcribe. I am quite different then when I used to do it back then, maybe things will change based on that too.
I remind myself that I am only half way to my destination. I know energies have to go a lot higher then that to get back to my normal place. I have people around me I want to help, that have been asking for help for awhile and I couldn't do anything about it. I just wish it will come in good time and that I can finally claim my place to where I should be.
All I want is a simple life and maybe it is an ok thing that this blog is not widely spread. I don't know what I would do with tons of people asking for help. I cannot even do it really for friends yet, so I know I wouldn't be able to do it for strangers either.
I'll go back to yesterday's lesson. Breathe,breathe, breathe...
And then it hit me, that it is somewhat true. When I only talk, my brain functions are not that active. It doesn't require any motor action of my body and a lot of it doesn't require actual words. A little like telepathy. Sometimes, in one impression I understand many sentences or they don't even use words I know what they mean.
When I sit down to write it down, the thoughts have to actualize in a body that will become words on the paper, a solid form. The nice folks I talked to in the 9th dimension (see Entities that defy all logic) gave me a whole lesson on that many years ago. It was a very simplified way to see things, with lots of different examples and metaphors to help grasp the concept. The gist of it was that the higher the energy is the more it resembles when we fast forward a tape on a video player without the image on. We do not see the image and this would be the state of certain beings when they talk and communicate. We, on Earth would look, compared to it, like a video on slow motion where you see it move frame by frame. They insisted a lot in not comparing the two states, that one was not better then the other, but simply different expressions of the same essence (as we are all one).
Applied to what happens to me, I think that when I am up there alone with them, no paper, no pen to write it on, I elevate my vibrations towards them to vibrate closer to their level. As this is a more normal state for me anyway, for most of those entities, I won't feel the slightest change at all. It is exactly like picking up the phone and talking to a dear friend and hanging up when I decide to go do something else (though it seems I might close it on my end, but they don't on theirs). This reminds me of the fast forward action on the VCR.
When I sit down and write down what I hear, then it is quite the contrary that happens. The words have to take physical form and the energy has to be adapted to that. It is a constant stream of finding balance between those two states. Then, still using the same metaphor of the VCR, the action, compared to when I just talk easily, seems to be slowed down to a twinkle.
I don't know if it can be as easily explained as that. I only talk with them, I elevate myself to them, They communicate with me through writing and they have to get their energy down, bringing me along with them to make the process of writing possible. This is something I could really delve into some more another time, as this was a whole chapter in the book I wrote with them. And it is obvious that this is only the surface of something that goes way deeper.
I have no idea really what it is, just musings for now. I don't think I ever thought of that before though, the difference between the writing and none writing state. I did try, once, with a close friend to just say what I was hearing instead of writing it. It was very difficult. I still was hearing them talking, continuing their thoughts, while I had to basically talk over them making the whole process very cumbersome. Not only, but it was too much to bear for my friend too. Every time I am giving her a message, she has to put herself in a state to receive it. To feel the whole thing there raw is quite overwhelming and can be too much to take. I guess it depends on people. But for me, it makes me feel quite uneasy to feel I have to be a kind of translator who hears, talks and has to continue hearing while they continue to talk and I am talking. It's messy. And if I put them on pause to just say things bit by bit, the whole flow is broken. That and the fact that it is way more tiring then writing in the end.
So I don't know if I'll ever find a better way to do it. I type quite fast on a keyboard, but not fast enough to keep up with the speed messages come by. Talking about it to my husband again today, asking about the message I made for him, he said he remembered I just couldn't make it all up as I was writing so fast it felt like those old machine with a ticker tape. I am always quite stunned by this because I don't see myself do it so it feels all normal to me and not that fast. But it is true that in that state I can write huge amount of pages in very little time, compared to what I could accomplish normally, even with a good inspiration going on.
It hasn't happened again yet, but I remember hearing things many sentences ahead and couldn't keep up because they were already further then what I had time to transcribe. I am quite different then when I used to do it back then, maybe things will change based on that too.
I remind myself that I am only half way to my destination. I know energies have to go a lot higher then that to get back to my normal place. I have people around me I want to help, that have been asking for help for awhile and I couldn't do anything about it. I just wish it will come in good time and that I can finally claim my place to where I should be.
All I want is a simple life and maybe it is an ok thing that this blog is not widely spread. I don't know what I would do with tons of people asking for help. I cannot even do it really for friends yet, so I know I wouldn't be able to do it for strangers either.
I'll go back to yesterday's lesson. Breathe,breathe, breathe...
After the conversation
After typing the blog, this morning, I decided to rest. To really give my body a chance to recuperate for everything it went through lately. To my amazement, the strangest thing happened. While I was trying to help my mind get peace, it activated instead. I started having visions and my mind wouldn't shut up. I was writing 4-5 blogs ahead, one after an other, having them all laid out in my mind. As I was determined to rest, I just ignored it, the best I could and didn't want to take a pen and paper. The amount of information I was hearing would have taken me hours and hours to transcribe.
Again my meals have been decided for me. The best I can understand, my body needs to regenerate and disintoxicate. So no dairy, no sugar, no big meat. Proteins in form of hard boiled egg is tolerable, not ideal, but that's all I have. I had fruits for breakfast with a few almonds and lightly steamed green vegetables topped with a raw glove of minced garlic for lunch. Just a few raw colored vegetables for diner with the egg.
As far as I can tell, my body is happy, except for the bit of yogurt I put on my strawberries. I guess dairy was really out of question today and I didn't listen. I also drink huge amounts of water and I know it's always hot here, but I never feel I have enough.
I just seem suddenly to know, out of nowhere, what is good or bad for me. It doesn't come as a voice really, as I tried to pay attention today to what is happening. It is more like an impression on the mind. Something that appears and I know. All day long it's been that way. What to do, when to eat, exercise, go outdoors, when to rest. All of it came with the same clear impression and all I did was to listen to it. I have always resisted so what else am I to do? If I want to let go of resistances I need to trust something, someone.
And this is probably the weirdest thing of all for me. I have talked for 5 years, almost every day with my angel Elnersia before I stopped everything. I have contacted dozens of entities that guided me through different teachings. In those 5 years of active mediumnity, I have never felt as close to any invisible being as I feel with Edgar Cayce.
Mind you, every time I say something like that out loud, I am thinking: "Who am I to think this is true?" But I try to go with the feeling of love alone. This is too strong to resist. What is puzzling with this connection with Edgar Cayce is that I don't know him. I have no prior feeling I have met that particular soul ever in any kind of way (and he confirmed it to me). I know I knew Chopin's soul somewhere or Nelligan's or Jean-René Huguenin's ( I relate my encounters with them in The journey so far). probably not in their "famous" incarnations, maybe not even on Earth, but somehow I knew them. Edgar Cayce is a little like Berlioz. Barely knew anything about Berlioz when he talked to me, same here with Edgar Cayce. Why is it then that I can feel so close, so fast to someone I don't know at all? The answer I hear whispered to me is: "Love connects all things". That's all there is to that.
So this stranger to me, I barely knew by name with a few scattered information from an article about him, has become a source of strength and trust. I trust him with no boundaries and I don't even know why. It just is. Maybe it's like he said earlier today, love should be proof enough. And it is.
It is the first time in my entire life, I feel I am ok in the presence of a being I can't see and that I don't challenge his existence or reality when I talk with him.
Earlier today, I rested on the bed and could tell he was there just saying a few guiding words. Reminding me to breathe, and when I did, reminding me not to force the breath I took. And he talked about God again. This too is new to me. I have heard people who loved God before. I met them from all kinds of faith, they shared their vision and it elated me to see them so happy and sometimes it stirred the desire for me to also get closer, but really I always envied them to find so much peace from God as I could never really let myself do it.
My talks with God were always amazing, but I was never in peace with it. Even contacting the source of all things, feeling the wonder of it all, I rarely felt One, mostly I felt separated.
Edgar Cayce talks about God with such beauty that I am in awe.
As what happened while I was on the bed was just a conversation and not a written message, it was a lot easier for me to let go. It doesn't tire me at all and could go on and on. When I write it down, this is when everything becomes heavier. I guess one day I should explore why. Anyhow today, I didn't feel like writing a second message in a row, talking is way more pleasant and fun, less rigorous and carefree. Seemed to fit better with the theme of the day to rest and take care of myself.
I asked him to stay near me, as I was so scared to rest and be almost in a meditative state all by myself. And he did. He did more then that. To calm the tension that was rising in my body, he asked me if I was afraid of the dresser, the picture on the wall and was generally making me think of everything that surrounded me. I said that I wasn't afraid of them. "Yet, God is in them", he told me. I started calming down as he went on about things I barely remember (hence why writing is useful). I just had this deep feeling of being secure and safe and that there was nothing to be afraid of.
When I went to Rimouski, to live by the sea, I met an homeopath there that helped me a lot with accepting angels and what was inside of me. She invited me to her meditation group and I refused telling her meditating scared me. She said I would sit at her left side and she would be my anchor for me. It was so generous from her and I learned so much. Unfortunately, without her by my side I couldn't do it as well. And even with her, it wasn't really easy either, just a lot better then usual.
Seeing how easy it is for me to trust a soul I don't know, maybe I just needed the right anchor. I can only hope he will stay long enough to teach me or accompany me in that. Not meditation, but to not fear the presence of God so much, of this amazing energy that I am so afraid to feel all. As I write this, I can still feel him right there calm and serene, making me feel he won't go anywhere until I won't need him anymore.
Yet, isn't it wrong to use someone like that? To use them till they have nothing else to give you? I simply hear to that, the word "one". That all is one in the end.
If I am only riding the reigns of a wild active imagination, I wonder how more active it will be as I can tell, this is only the beginning. I barely opened the gate for one soul. I remember when I used to be connected all the time, like a radio that I only have to switch on or off. This is still nothing compared to it.
I feel it is there though. All accessible right now if I want to. I am just hesitant still to push the "on" button. I feel I am clinging to Edgar Cayce like a child does to a security blanket. I'll take that for what it is right now. I know I can't handle too much of it. One step at a time. When I feel even safer I know I will have the courage to open the gate some more.
Again my meals have been decided for me. The best I can understand, my body needs to regenerate and disintoxicate. So no dairy, no sugar, no big meat. Proteins in form of hard boiled egg is tolerable, not ideal, but that's all I have. I had fruits for breakfast with a few almonds and lightly steamed green vegetables topped with a raw glove of minced garlic for lunch. Just a few raw colored vegetables for diner with the egg.
As far as I can tell, my body is happy, except for the bit of yogurt I put on my strawberries. I guess dairy was really out of question today and I didn't listen. I also drink huge amounts of water and I know it's always hot here, but I never feel I have enough.
I just seem suddenly to know, out of nowhere, what is good or bad for me. It doesn't come as a voice really, as I tried to pay attention today to what is happening. It is more like an impression on the mind. Something that appears and I know. All day long it's been that way. What to do, when to eat, exercise, go outdoors, when to rest. All of it came with the same clear impression and all I did was to listen to it. I have always resisted so what else am I to do? If I want to let go of resistances I need to trust something, someone.
And this is probably the weirdest thing of all for me. I have talked for 5 years, almost every day with my angel Elnersia before I stopped everything. I have contacted dozens of entities that guided me through different teachings. In those 5 years of active mediumnity, I have never felt as close to any invisible being as I feel with Edgar Cayce.
Mind you, every time I say something like that out loud, I am thinking: "Who am I to think this is true?" But I try to go with the feeling of love alone. This is too strong to resist. What is puzzling with this connection with Edgar Cayce is that I don't know him. I have no prior feeling I have met that particular soul ever in any kind of way (and he confirmed it to me). I know I knew Chopin's soul somewhere or Nelligan's or Jean-René Huguenin's ( I relate my encounters with them in The journey so far). probably not in their "famous" incarnations, maybe not even on Earth, but somehow I knew them. Edgar Cayce is a little like Berlioz. Barely knew anything about Berlioz when he talked to me, same here with Edgar Cayce. Why is it then that I can feel so close, so fast to someone I don't know at all? The answer I hear whispered to me is: "Love connects all things". That's all there is to that.
So this stranger to me, I barely knew by name with a few scattered information from an article about him, has become a source of strength and trust. I trust him with no boundaries and I don't even know why. It just is. Maybe it's like he said earlier today, love should be proof enough. And it is.
It is the first time in my entire life, I feel I am ok in the presence of a being I can't see and that I don't challenge his existence or reality when I talk with him.
Earlier today, I rested on the bed and could tell he was there just saying a few guiding words. Reminding me to breathe, and when I did, reminding me not to force the breath I took. And he talked about God again. This too is new to me. I have heard people who loved God before. I met them from all kinds of faith, they shared their vision and it elated me to see them so happy and sometimes it stirred the desire for me to also get closer, but really I always envied them to find so much peace from God as I could never really let myself do it.
My talks with God were always amazing, but I was never in peace with it. Even contacting the source of all things, feeling the wonder of it all, I rarely felt One, mostly I felt separated.
Edgar Cayce talks about God with such beauty that I am in awe.
As what happened while I was on the bed was just a conversation and not a written message, it was a lot easier for me to let go. It doesn't tire me at all and could go on and on. When I write it down, this is when everything becomes heavier. I guess one day I should explore why. Anyhow today, I didn't feel like writing a second message in a row, talking is way more pleasant and fun, less rigorous and carefree. Seemed to fit better with the theme of the day to rest and take care of myself.
I asked him to stay near me, as I was so scared to rest and be almost in a meditative state all by myself. And he did. He did more then that. To calm the tension that was rising in my body, he asked me if I was afraid of the dresser, the picture on the wall and was generally making me think of everything that surrounded me. I said that I wasn't afraid of them. "Yet, God is in them", he told me. I started calming down as he went on about things I barely remember (hence why writing is useful). I just had this deep feeling of being secure and safe and that there was nothing to be afraid of.
When I went to Rimouski, to live by the sea, I met an homeopath there that helped me a lot with accepting angels and what was inside of me. She invited me to her meditation group and I refused telling her meditating scared me. She said I would sit at her left side and she would be my anchor for me. It was so generous from her and I learned so much. Unfortunately, without her by my side I couldn't do it as well. And even with her, it wasn't really easy either, just a lot better then usual.
Seeing how easy it is for me to trust a soul I don't know, maybe I just needed the right anchor. I can only hope he will stay long enough to teach me or accompany me in that. Not meditation, but to not fear the presence of God so much, of this amazing energy that I am so afraid to feel all. As I write this, I can still feel him right there calm and serene, making me feel he won't go anywhere until I won't need him anymore.
Yet, isn't it wrong to use someone like that? To use them till they have nothing else to give you? I simply hear to that, the word "one". That all is one in the end.
If I am only riding the reigns of a wild active imagination, I wonder how more active it will be as I can tell, this is only the beginning. I barely opened the gate for one soul. I remember when I used to be connected all the time, like a radio that I only have to switch on or off. This is still nothing compared to it.
I feel it is there though. All accessible right now if I want to. I am just hesitant still to push the "on" button. I feel I am clinging to Edgar Cayce like a child does to a security blanket. I'll take that for what it is right now. I know I can't handle too much of it. One step at a time. When I feel even safer I know I will have the courage to open the gate some more.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Conversation with Edgar Cayce
As I write the title I am not sure I feel too good. Still very difficult to share this with the world. I am still afraid somehow that it is all a sham. I'll breathe the best I can and try to hang to what happens instead of my fear of it.
Beforehand
Yesterday, I stayed awake maybe 20 hours long. I wrote and typed my novel for a lot of that time, way into the night, unable to stop. I can tell when something is wrong when my husband starts to worry. He sees me from the outside of what inhabits me and can bring me back when I go too far. It was not pretty. I felt like a child that is told to stop playing and to go to sleep. Truth is, I have been neglecting everything around me, him, friends and my body. When I finally stopped, I understood what he meant. My body was a mess. Even though I had forced myself to take tiny 1-2 minute breaks to move my body here and there it was in a dire need of attention.
I exercise and eat, but those are done out of a "need to" feeling more then a "want to" one. It's often sped up so I can finally go do what I really want. I am a little worried that this wave of energy that can't stop will bring my body down and I know I have to start listening to it.
Yesterday, my whole diet for the day was laid down for me. I don't know who was speaking to me, but I just knew everything I had to eat or avoid. My third meal was not a success though, as I had to stop to prepare it and didn't want to. The result was that it slowed down my digestive tracks that were not prepared for something too heavy. It was not even what we would call a heavy meal, but in my state, I seem to only be able to absorb raw vegetables or slightly cooked ones with light proteins on the side. Egg sandwich on baguette with green onions and tomatoes didn't make my body happy at all. I'll try to do better today.
Leading to the conversation
It started when I woke up this morning. I think somehow Edgar Cayce was in my dream. Nothing like what I had felt last time, but it was a dream so I guess I just made him up the way I wanted in there. I don't even remember the specific, except he seemed to be a guiding figure.
When I woke up, after 5 hours of sleep (my best in the last 4-5 days!) I could feel his presence. It was not exactly like what I had felt before. Nothing of the nervousness or the cluster of souls. It's as if he had chosen a way to show himself to me that I would accept. Not that I see anything, but I perceive it. I perceive emotions and smiles and laughs. When I do, I write them down on the message so I can remember.
He started talking to me while I was still in bed and I asked him the first few questions that way. Then, as I was waking up more, I realized he was actually talking and that I should write it down, so I restarted the dialogue to make sure I wouldn't lose it. He smiled and repeated. So I hurried to get a notepad and pen and went on the couch, sit down Indian style and was ready to start. He made me take a few deep breaths first to calm my ardors and I complied. We then restarted the beginning of the conversation for a third time and I could feel he was repeating with an indulgent smile.
Me: Are you Edgar Cayce?
Edgar Cayce: Yes.
Me: Are you exactly like the soul that lived here on Earth?
Edgar Cayce: No.
Me: Why is that?
Edgar Cayce: You see what you want to see.
Me: Like that man said I read about two days ago?
Edgar Cayce: Yes. He sees me how he wants to see me too. And so do all human beings.
Me: It doesn't disturb you we never get to see the real you, just bits that we distort to our view?
Edgar Cayce: There is no distortion here. It is not a fake vision, if it is what you mean. it is merely a state of who I am that answers better to you then others.
Pause
(Here he made me do another big breath before continuing. One of many)
Me: Can you explain further?
Edgar Cayce: Souls are very subjective to the human mind. We appear to you to what will make a durable impression and give you a sense of completion with the universe.
Pause
(He made me take another big breath with loud expiration)
Edgar Cayce: Souls are always interconnected as we are one and only soul in the end. God. The reflection of light that is sent everywhere in the universe is a pale copy of what really is but always carries inside of it the real divine design. All is connected.
Me: So it is, somehow, also an active imagination and not just mediumnity?
Edgar Cayce: So much need to categorize what simply is. Your need narrows the real issue, as I said, All is One. Going beyond that defies the purpose of what life really is. You do not need to understand to feel love, yet you want to put a label on what is happening here. Isn't love enough. Enough proof to rest your (he said an adjective I couldn't really hear or understand) heart?
Me: You think I should just be content to feel the love without having to communicate verbally?
Edgar Cayce: Communication is a strange things when on Earth. You think you understand things through words, but really the best communication is the one of the heart. Love will always be the way human beings communicate the best. In that state of love, they feel what really is, the matter of all things. In love, they don't need to understand every detail. They understand that the details are them. Who they are. All becomes again one and then the human form can elevates itself to the rank of God and remember who he is and what he came here to do. Be one of the many reflection of God on Earth.
Me: What about the people who don't believe?
Belief is not necessary to do the work of God. God is everything you want it to be. It can be your dog, your flower, your ambition, your love of nature, your need to succeed to feel a sense of achievement. God is in everything, everywhere, surrounding you, not judging your needs and your wants. Always present.
Me: And what happens in those dark hours when our heart can't open anymore? When we don't even feel the presence of God?
Edgar Cayce: God is there every step of every path for everyone for eternity. There is not one soul, there is nothing alive or inanimated that isn't filled with the essence of God.
Me: I feel your love for God. So pure. I wish I could feel the same.
Edgar Cayce: (talking about himself) That body knows God, as the quest for His name was in every waking moment of his life. But you do too have such love in your heart. You resist because you feel that the word God resonates different with everyone, you fear it is associated with religion, that through you, you are forming a church of belief and you don't want to carry such an enterprise.
Me: This is true. I do not like imposing views on people, not even on me.
Edgar Cayce: God is...
(I went to get water on his recommendation, drank, breathed deeply again a few times with strong expirations. I can tell it is starting to tire me out and I can't keep it for long. When he continues where he left off I can tell he changed what he was about to say.)
Edgar Cayce: God is like a child in your heart. I am adapting the view to your need so you can understand and grasp it better.
Children are free to play, without a care in the world if they feel they are secure. They can frolic in the fields and discover parts of nature, get some of the unexpected and go back to their parents knowing they will get comfort.
This image of God suits you well. Adapted to your needs. God in that way is your parent, your house, your protection and you are his child. He is also the child as he is you at the same time, the rock you sit on, the stream you are looking at, the bird that sings to you. He is in everything that seems dead or alive to you. All is filled with His essence.
Me: (getting a feeling of realization) You are here to teach me about God?
Edgar Cayce: I did many times in this form. I did many times after. It doesn't matter how people see God. What name they give him, what anger they can throw at him. His love is unwavering and so strong, so untouchable, no hard feeling of any kind can make him stop loving or make the love dwindle or fade.
Me: Is this the only purpose of your presence with me?
Edgar Cayce: You called me. I am here.
Me: I called you?
Edgar Cayce: Not willingly or knowingly, if it is what you mean. but we are many here by your side. Always, do you have an impressive array of people taking care of you. You are never alone in that regard. but your mind has a hard time accepting that fact. That all the answers are already here. That the voices that your hear can already guide you. You don't trust them yet. You don't know them yet, so you call for what feels familiar and not dangerous to you, to help you connect. There is nothing wrong with that. I am here and so are many.
(He makes me breathe again)
Me: I can tell it is too difficult to continue, not enough sleep. Do you want to comment on that please, to help me?
(Makes me breathe again)
Edgar Cayce: Sleep is abandonment. Trust. You don't possess these things just yet. You still struggle to keep the past alive and want to hold on to what you knew, even though it hurt you.
(Makes me breathe again. it is really hard to keep up the connection as I am really tired at that point)
Edgar Cayce: Only through releasing resistance can you find the true place in your heart where everything sings and where you feel at peace.
Your body is tired. We have to finish this entretient (the French word came up instead of "talk" or "discussion". happens when my mind can't keep up with one language, it will change to the next one without breaking stride.)
Me: Thank you
Edgar Cayce: I felt a strong and powerful wave of love before it faded to a whisper as I can tell he is still here, just not talking.
A few comment
I started the conversation in English myself, it could have gone either way. I have noticed in the past that they can really switch language with my own thoughts and language is not a barrier to them.
I wrote the whole thing in one go, expect for all the pauses he made me take and the time I had to go get water. There is but one scratch at the end of the message on the word "releasing", as I wrote it badly and thought I wouldn't be able to reread myself later. I also made a comment in the margin while typing this and was in the wrong spot so had to scratch it to.
The dialogue is often not spaced, and often doesn't have punctuation, so I added some for reading purposes.
The message is written in my writing and it flows and is, for the most part, easy for me to read. It doesn't always happen that way, as when I connect to high vibrating beings, those that defy what I can feel with angels and guides, I usually keep my eyes half closed, as it is too much to bare and I can't see where I write much and it gets harder to decipher after.
Technicalities aside, I feel elated as this is one of the most beautiful moment I had in my life. Each one seems to top the last one and I feel so grateful to have been able to not stay in fear and not interrupting him or doubt him or all the things I used to do during a message.
I need a lot of rest today and I hope I will be nice to myself and take it.
It is quite a strange thing to share all of this that can feel so private, but somehow I know that his words, even if catered to me, can also touch others. Whatever your beliefs are, I hope this can give you a sense of wholeness too. Most of all, I just hope that you find your own truth in it and your own sense of self.
Good day everybody and thank you so much for keeping with me. I know the circle of readers is still small. It doesn't matter, as I would do it anyway with no one reading at all, as it feels like a calling, something I can't resist. But I want to express my gratitude to you all, as every time you take the time to read me, you all help me on my path and even though I don't know who you are, I thank you with all my heart for it.
Beforehand
Yesterday, I stayed awake maybe 20 hours long. I wrote and typed my novel for a lot of that time, way into the night, unable to stop. I can tell when something is wrong when my husband starts to worry. He sees me from the outside of what inhabits me and can bring me back when I go too far. It was not pretty. I felt like a child that is told to stop playing and to go to sleep. Truth is, I have been neglecting everything around me, him, friends and my body. When I finally stopped, I understood what he meant. My body was a mess. Even though I had forced myself to take tiny 1-2 minute breaks to move my body here and there it was in a dire need of attention.
I exercise and eat, but those are done out of a "need to" feeling more then a "want to" one. It's often sped up so I can finally go do what I really want. I am a little worried that this wave of energy that can't stop will bring my body down and I know I have to start listening to it.
Yesterday, my whole diet for the day was laid down for me. I don't know who was speaking to me, but I just knew everything I had to eat or avoid. My third meal was not a success though, as I had to stop to prepare it and didn't want to. The result was that it slowed down my digestive tracks that were not prepared for something too heavy. It was not even what we would call a heavy meal, but in my state, I seem to only be able to absorb raw vegetables or slightly cooked ones with light proteins on the side. Egg sandwich on baguette with green onions and tomatoes didn't make my body happy at all. I'll try to do better today.
Leading to the conversation
It started when I woke up this morning. I think somehow Edgar Cayce was in my dream. Nothing like what I had felt last time, but it was a dream so I guess I just made him up the way I wanted in there. I don't even remember the specific, except he seemed to be a guiding figure.
When I woke up, after 5 hours of sleep (my best in the last 4-5 days!) I could feel his presence. It was not exactly like what I had felt before. Nothing of the nervousness or the cluster of souls. It's as if he had chosen a way to show himself to me that I would accept. Not that I see anything, but I perceive it. I perceive emotions and smiles and laughs. When I do, I write them down on the message so I can remember.
He started talking to me while I was still in bed and I asked him the first few questions that way. Then, as I was waking up more, I realized he was actually talking and that I should write it down, so I restarted the dialogue to make sure I wouldn't lose it. He smiled and repeated. So I hurried to get a notepad and pen and went on the couch, sit down Indian style and was ready to start. He made me take a few deep breaths first to calm my ardors and I complied. We then restarted the beginning of the conversation for a third time and I could feel he was repeating with an indulgent smile.
Me: Are you Edgar Cayce?
Edgar Cayce: Yes.
Me: Are you exactly like the soul that lived here on Earth?
Edgar Cayce: No.
Me: Why is that?
Edgar Cayce: You see what you want to see.
Me: Like that man said I read about two days ago?
Edgar Cayce: Yes. He sees me how he wants to see me too. And so do all human beings.
Me: It doesn't disturb you we never get to see the real you, just bits that we distort to our view?
Edgar Cayce: There is no distortion here. It is not a fake vision, if it is what you mean. it is merely a state of who I am that answers better to you then others.
Pause
(Here he made me do another big breath before continuing. One of many)
Me: Can you explain further?
Edgar Cayce: Souls are very subjective to the human mind. We appear to you to what will make a durable impression and give you a sense of completion with the universe.
Pause
(He made me take another big breath with loud expiration)
Edgar Cayce: Souls are always interconnected as we are one and only soul in the end. God. The reflection of light that is sent everywhere in the universe is a pale copy of what really is but always carries inside of it the real divine design. All is connected.
Me: So it is, somehow, also an active imagination and not just mediumnity?
Edgar Cayce: So much need to categorize what simply is. Your need narrows the real issue, as I said, All is One. Going beyond that defies the purpose of what life really is. You do not need to understand to feel love, yet you want to put a label on what is happening here. Isn't love enough. Enough proof to rest your (he said an adjective I couldn't really hear or understand) heart?
Me: You think I should just be content to feel the love without having to communicate verbally?
Edgar Cayce: Communication is a strange things when on Earth. You think you understand things through words, but really the best communication is the one of the heart. Love will always be the way human beings communicate the best. In that state of love, they feel what really is, the matter of all things. In love, they don't need to understand every detail. They understand that the details are them. Who they are. All becomes again one and then the human form can elevates itself to the rank of God and remember who he is and what he came here to do. Be one of the many reflection of God on Earth.
Me: What about the people who don't believe?
Belief is not necessary to do the work of God. God is everything you want it to be. It can be your dog, your flower, your ambition, your love of nature, your need to succeed to feel a sense of achievement. God is in everything, everywhere, surrounding you, not judging your needs and your wants. Always present.
Me: And what happens in those dark hours when our heart can't open anymore? When we don't even feel the presence of God?
Edgar Cayce: God is there every step of every path for everyone for eternity. There is not one soul, there is nothing alive or inanimated that isn't filled with the essence of God.
Me: I feel your love for God. So pure. I wish I could feel the same.
Edgar Cayce: (talking about himself) That body knows God, as the quest for His name was in every waking moment of his life. But you do too have such love in your heart. You resist because you feel that the word God resonates different with everyone, you fear it is associated with religion, that through you, you are forming a church of belief and you don't want to carry such an enterprise.
Me: This is true. I do not like imposing views on people, not even on me.
Edgar Cayce: God is...
(I went to get water on his recommendation, drank, breathed deeply again a few times with strong expirations. I can tell it is starting to tire me out and I can't keep it for long. When he continues where he left off I can tell he changed what he was about to say.)
Edgar Cayce: God is like a child in your heart. I am adapting the view to your need so you can understand and grasp it better.
Children are free to play, without a care in the world if they feel they are secure. They can frolic in the fields and discover parts of nature, get some of the unexpected and go back to their parents knowing they will get comfort.
This image of God suits you well. Adapted to your needs. God in that way is your parent, your house, your protection and you are his child. He is also the child as he is you at the same time, the rock you sit on, the stream you are looking at, the bird that sings to you. He is in everything that seems dead or alive to you. All is filled with His essence.
Me: (getting a feeling of realization) You are here to teach me about God?
Edgar Cayce: I did many times in this form. I did many times after. It doesn't matter how people see God. What name they give him, what anger they can throw at him. His love is unwavering and so strong, so untouchable, no hard feeling of any kind can make him stop loving or make the love dwindle or fade.
Me: Is this the only purpose of your presence with me?
Edgar Cayce: You called me. I am here.
Me: I called you?
Edgar Cayce: Not willingly or knowingly, if it is what you mean. but we are many here by your side. Always, do you have an impressive array of people taking care of you. You are never alone in that regard. but your mind has a hard time accepting that fact. That all the answers are already here. That the voices that your hear can already guide you. You don't trust them yet. You don't know them yet, so you call for what feels familiar and not dangerous to you, to help you connect. There is nothing wrong with that. I am here and so are many.
(He makes me breathe again)
Me: I can tell it is too difficult to continue, not enough sleep. Do you want to comment on that please, to help me?
(Makes me breathe again)
Edgar Cayce: Sleep is abandonment. Trust. You don't possess these things just yet. You still struggle to keep the past alive and want to hold on to what you knew, even though it hurt you.
(Makes me breathe again. it is really hard to keep up the connection as I am really tired at that point)
Edgar Cayce: Only through releasing resistance can you find the true place in your heart where everything sings and where you feel at peace.
Your body is tired. We have to finish this entretient (the French word came up instead of "talk" or "discussion". happens when my mind can't keep up with one language, it will change to the next one without breaking stride.)
Me: Thank you
Edgar Cayce: I felt a strong and powerful wave of love before it faded to a whisper as I can tell he is still here, just not talking.
A few comment
I started the conversation in English myself, it could have gone either way. I have noticed in the past that they can really switch language with my own thoughts and language is not a barrier to them.
I wrote the whole thing in one go, expect for all the pauses he made me take and the time I had to go get water. There is but one scratch at the end of the message on the word "releasing", as I wrote it badly and thought I wouldn't be able to reread myself later. I also made a comment in the margin while typing this and was in the wrong spot so had to scratch it to.
The dialogue is often not spaced, and often doesn't have punctuation, so I added some for reading purposes.
The message is written in my writing and it flows and is, for the most part, easy for me to read. It doesn't always happen that way, as when I connect to high vibrating beings, those that defy what I can feel with angels and guides, I usually keep my eyes half closed, as it is too much to bare and I can't see where I write much and it gets harder to decipher after.
Technicalities aside, I feel elated as this is one of the most beautiful moment I had in my life. Each one seems to top the last one and I feel so grateful to have been able to not stay in fear and not interrupting him or doubt him or all the things I used to do during a message.
I need a lot of rest today and I hope I will be nice to myself and take it.
It is quite a strange thing to share all of this that can feel so private, but somehow I know that his words, even if catered to me, can also touch others. Whatever your beliefs are, I hope this can give you a sense of wholeness too. Most of all, I just hope that you find your own truth in it and your own sense of self.
Good day everybody and thank you so much for keeping with me. I know the circle of readers is still small. It doesn't matter, as I would do it anyway with no one reading at all, as it feels like a calling, something I can't resist. But I want to express my gratitude to you all, as every time you take the time to read me, you all help me on my path and even though I don't know who you are, I thank you with all my heart for it.
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