After the last two days that were very effervescent with lots of ideas and inspiration I feel today that I am scared that someone might actually read this. Breathe in, Breathe out!
Inspiration
I know I am not alone feeling like this and that this is probably a very common issue among people who have extra perceptions of other realities. The abilities come and challenge our views and beliefs to an extreme and we have to learn to live with them in harmony.
In my case there are several issues that make this hard to accept.
I am quite open-minded when it comes to extra perception abilities as a whole. I believe in them... for others. Now when it happens to me I am the worse skeptic. I think it's because it leaves the realm of possibilities and becomes the realm of actuality. That difference is huge and I enter a battle between logic and heart.
The provenance of many messages I receive comes from sources I don't even know if they really exist. I am not a religious person myself which makes it even harder to stay open and non judgmental when messages from God, Jesus, Mary or Saint Teresa come to me.
I have no problem saying I believe in fairies and UFO's but having a fairy talk to me and beings from an other dimension talking with me boggles my mind.
This amazing being is a Sylphid a Frenchman drew when he saw her. Usually invisible he could somehow see her and said she stayed close to the woods.
Now how can we make our brains compute that this isn't a child's drawing but something that is real, just not perceived by most?
I love this being and spend a lot of times smiling with it. My head doesn't comprehend it, doesn't believe it. But my heart does.
Another blockage is the way I receive the messages.
Now, I have read many books and followed many mediums when I was first starting to accept this. What was always a constant was the way they were receiving their messages. Most of them had trances, some had out of body experience, all of them were communicating exclusively with very few guides. No one seemed to have the versatility I had to speak to not only one guide but anything with no limits. The messages were not relayed from one guide to my personal guide then to me. I was always accessing the source.
The way I was receiving them I had seen nowhere either. For me the experience of contacting these beings is like turning on a computer or dialing a number on the telephone. I connect and it's there. I can take a pause and it's there. When I am in my natural state and not like now where my body is still very pasty and my emotions very unstable, I am floating up in the ether. My teacher used to tell me how much I needed to get anchored. I think that this ethereal quality of my energy when I am in harmony with myself is what makes the connection so easy. I just need to learn to anchor myself too not to fly up like an helium balloon.
Using a pen and paper was also a problem for me. Mediums who talk to you feel more intimate. It's live action right away. In my case I had to learn to accept that the messages were written and I was reading them afterwards commenting on the tone and emotions of the guide saying them.
That too actually was a problem because how could I ever be sure it was real. There was no voice really. I heard words the same way I hear myself talk in my own head. The difference is that the energy and personalities were completely different. The style of their writing was also not mine and always different from one being to another.
Not fitting in the world of mediums made me doubt. Why couldn't I be like them? Why couldn't it be in a way that is so easy to believe in? I thought having trances meant you would know it was true. So how could I know it wasn't just my own head playing tricks?
The one thing that kept me going was that my friends were very supportive. I was getting messages for them when they needed them and I was told that many things said were very personal, intimate and had never been shared.
For those who saw me do it, they told me I was writing extremely fast with no pause and almost no scratches. Knowing how long it takes me to write anything (I have been at this blog for over two hours! ) this helps me see that something is going on when I really connect to something.
But do I connect to the right source? That is the other reluctance I have. How am I sure I am speaking to the right being, that I am not being tricked? I have learned to recognize higher energy from low one, but sometimes I feel my head is acting like a radio gone crazy. Am I actually on the right channel or picking up the wrong thing?
I actually thing if my body could sustain it I could write all day long just picking up things I hear if I let it, so making the difference is hard work. The guides that were coming often I was recognizing them and the preliminaries were often skipped. New entities and guides had to jump through hoops to prove me they were who they were as I refused to believe till I had some proof. Ah! When the brain takes control in matter like these, what a mess it does!
This is hilarious to think I had to put the poor angels through meticulous inspection worse then the airport when all they wanted to do was to say I love you to someone.
This shows how much my brain was guiding the process when my heart should have been the driver. In all honesty I had good moments too when I was very open and it worked like a charm but my brain didn't let me have these moments very often.
Because I have a hard time putting my brain on snooze and be present only in a minor capacity, I tend to resist a whole lot while I receive the messages. Very much more so early on and less and less as time went by.
I would stop a message every time anything remotely, seemingly negative was uttered. The guides would have to calm me down, help my brain to let the heart take the wheel again and continue only for me to realize that what seemed negative was actually not negative at all. More doubts were then arising: I controlled that! I changed it with my brain like I change the sounds of the choir in my head!
If I didn't take this so seriously most of it wouldn't be a problem. I could accept to do this casually, matter of factly. But the truth is that those messages touch people to their core. They are crying, it is overwhelming for them to have a contact with their own angels or guides For me to make that special connection for them is a huge responsibility and I can't play with it.
I am so aware that this is a learning process. that it takes time to master it. I can't expect it to be perfect. probably ever. I did make amazing progress though in the 5 years I did do messages. So why did everything stop when it was getting better?
The lack of faith is what hit me last. A gigantic Tsunami that nearly drowned me for half a year. Living in so much anger towards God that I cut all contact with everything. I refused to listen and to their advantage I must say they respected my choice with a profound respect.
Only when I asked for help did I finally hear my angel again and understood it was time to come here and make this blog. The most amazing feeling of light filled my tired body and made my molecules change. I could feel them charging with light. Now because I am almost dead inside from not doing much in the last year it will take some time to recuperate. But the healing process has at least started.
Expiration
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