After the conversation

After typing the blog, this morning, I decided to rest. To really give my body a chance to recuperate for everything it went through lately. To my amazement, the strangest thing happened. While I was trying to help my mind get peace, it activated instead. I started having visions and my mind wouldn't shut up. I was writing 4-5 blogs ahead, one after an other, having them all laid out in my mind. As I was determined to rest, I just ignored it,  the best I could and didn't want to take a pen and paper. The amount of information I was hearing would have taken me hours and hours to transcribe.

Again my meals have been decided for me. The best I can understand, my body needs to regenerate and disintoxicate. So no dairy, no sugar, no big meat. Proteins in form of hard boiled egg is tolerable, not ideal, but that's all I have. I had fruits for breakfast with a few almonds and lightly steamed green vegetables topped with a raw glove of minced garlic for lunch. Just a few raw colored vegetables for diner with the egg.

As far as I can tell, my body is happy, except for the bit of yogurt I put on my strawberries. I guess dairy was really out of question today and I didn't listen. I also drink huge amounts of water and I know it's always hot here, but I never feel I have enough.

I just seem suddenly to know, out of nowhere, what is good or bad for me. It doesn't come as a voice really, as I tried to pay attention today to what is happening. It is more like an impression on the mind. Something that appears and I know. All day long it's been that way. What to do, when to eat, exercise, go outdoors, when to rest. All of it came with the same clear impression and all I did was to listen to it. I have always resisted so what else am I to do? If I want to let go of resistances I need to trust something, someone.

And this is probably the weirdest thing of all for me. I have talked for 5 years, almost every day with my angel Elnersia before I stopped everything. I have contacted dozens of entities that guided me through different teachings. In those 5 years of active mediumnity, I have never felt as close to any invisible being as I feel with Edgar Cayce.

Mind you, every time I say something like that out loud, I am thinking: "Who am I to think this is true?" But I try to go with the feeling of love alone. This is too strong to resist. What is puzzling with this connection with Edgar Cayce is that I don't know him. I have no prior feeling I have met that particular soul ever in any kind of way (and he confirmed it to me). I know I knew Chopin's soul somewhere or Nelligan's or Jean-René Huguenin's ( I relate my encounters with them in The journey so far). probably not in their "famous" incarnations, maybe not even on Earth, but somehow I knew them. Edgar Cayce is a little like Berlioz. Barely knew anything about Berlioz when he talked to me, same here with Edgar Cayce. Why is it then that I can feel so close, so fast to someone I don't know at all? The answer I hear whispered to me is: "Love connects all things". That's all there is to that.

So this stranger to me, I barely knew by name with a few scattered information from an article about him, has become a source of strength and trust. I trust him with no boundaries and I don't even know why. It just is. Maybe it's like he said earlier today, love should be proof enough. And it is.

It is the first time in my entire life, I feel I am ok in the presence of a being I can't see and that I don't challenge his existence or reality when I talk with him.

Earlier today, I rested on the bed and could tell he was there just saying a few guiding words. Reminding me to breathe, and when I did, reminding me not to force the breath I took. And he talked about God again. This too is new to me. I have heard people who loved God before. I met them from all kinds of faith, they shared their vision and it elated me to see them so happy and sometimes it stirred the desire for me to also get closer, but really I always envied them to find so much peace from God as I could never really let myself do it.

My talks with God were always amazing, but I was never in peace with it. Even contacting the source of all things, feeling the wonder of it all, I rarely felt One, mostly I felt separated.

Edgar Cayce talks about God with such beauty that I am in awe.

As what happened while I was on the bed was just a conversation and not a written message, it was a lot easier for me to let go. It doesn't tire me at all and could go on and on. When I write it down, this is when everything becomes heavier. I guess one day I should explore why. Anyhow today, I didn't feel like writing a second message in a row, talking is way more pleasant and fun, less rigorous and carefree. Seemed to fit better with the theme of the day to rest and take care of myself.

I asked him to stay near me, as I was so scared to rest and be almost in a meditative state all by myself. And he did. He did more then that. To calm the tension that was rising in my body, he asked me if I was afraid of the dresser, the picture on the wall and was generally making me think of everything that surrounded me. I said that I wasn't afraid of them. "Yet, God is in them", he told me. I started calming down as he went on about things I barely remember (hence why writing is useful). I just had this deep feeling of being secure and safe and that there was nothing to be afraid of.

When I went to Rimouski, to live by the sea, I met an homeopath there that helped me a lot with accepting angels and what was inside of me. She invited me to her meditation group and I refused telling her meditating scared me. She said I would sit at her left side and she would be my anchor for me. It was so generous from her and I learned so much. Unfortunately, without her by my side I couldn't do it as well. And even with her, it wasn't really easy either, just a lot better then usual.

Seeing how easy it is for me to trust a soul I don't know, maybe I just needed the right anchor. I can only hope he will stay long enough to teach me or accompany me in that. Not meditation, but to not fear the presence of God so much, of this amazing energy that I am so afraid to feel all. As I write this, I can still feel him right there calm and serene, making me feel he won't go anywhere until I won't need him anymore.

Yet, isn't it wrong to use someone like that? To use them till they have nothing else to give you? I simply hear to that, the word "one". That all is one in the end.

If I am only riding the reigns of a wild active imagination, I wonder how more active it will be as I can tell, this is only the beginning. I barely opened the gate for one soul. I remember when I used to be connected all the time, like a radio that I only have to switch on or off. This is still nothing compared to it.

I feel it is there though. All accessible right now if I want to. I am just hesitant still to push the "on" button. I feel I am clinging to Edgar Cayce like a child does to a security blanket. I'll take that for what it is right now. I know I can't handle too much of it. One step at a time. When I feel even safer I know I will have the courage to open the gate some more.