As I write the title I am not sure I feel too good. Still very difficult to share this with the world. I am still afraid somehow that it is all a sham. I'll breathe the best I can and try to hang to what happens instead of my fear of it.
Beforehand
Yesterday, I stayed awake maybe 20 hours long. I wrote and typed my novel for a lot of that time, way into the night, unable to stop. I can tell when something is wrong when my husband starts to worry. He sees me from the outside of what inhabits me and can bring me back when I go too far. It was not pretty. I felt like a child that is told to stop playing and to go to sleep. Truth is, I have been neglecting everything around me, him, friends and my body. When I finally stopped, I understood what he meant. My body was a mess. Even though I had forced myself to take tiny 1-2 minute breaks to move my body here and there it was in a dire need of attention.
I exercise and eat, but those are done out of a "need to" feeling more then a "want to" one. It's often sped up so I can finally go do what I really want. I am a little worried that this wave of energy that can't stop will bring my body down and I know I have to start listening to it.
Yesterday, my whole diet for the day was laid down for me. I don't know who was speaking to me, but I just knew everything I had to eat or avoid. My third meal was not a success though, as I had to stop to prepare it and didn't want to. The result was that it slowed down my digestive tracks that were not prepared for something too heavy. It was not even what we would call a heavy meal, but in my state, I seem to only be able to absorb raw vegetables or slightly cooked ones with light proteins on the side. Egg sandwich on baguette with green onions and tomatoes didn't make my body happy at all. I'll try to do better today.
Leading to the conversation
It started when I woke up this morning. I think somehow Edgar Cayce was in my dream. Nothing like what I had felt last time, but it was a dream so I guess I just made him up the way I wanted in there. I don't even remember the specific, except he seemed to be a guiding figure.
When I woke up, after 5 hours of sleep (my best in the last 4-5 days!) I could feel his presence. It was not exactly like what I had felt before. Nothing of the nervousness or the cluster of souls. It's as if he had chosen a way to show himself to me that I would accept. Not that I see anything, but I perceive it. I perceive emotions and smiles and laughs. When I do, I write them down on the message so I can remember.
He started talking to me while I was still in bed and I asked him the first few questions that way. Then, as I was waking up more, I realized he was actually talking and that I should write it down, so I restarted the dialogue to make sure I wouldn't lose it. He smiled and repeated. So I hurried to get a notepad and pen and went on the couch, sit down Indian style and was ready to start. He made me take a few deep breaths first to calm my ardors and I complied. We then restarted the beginning of the conversation for a third time and I could feel he was repeating with an indulgent smile.
Me: Are you Edgar Cayce?
Edgar Cayce: Yes.
Me: Are you exactly like the soul that lived here on Earth?
Edgar Cayce: No.
Me: Why is that?
Edgar Cayce: You see what you want to see.
Me: Like that man said I read about two days ago?
Edgar Cayce: Yes. He sees me how he wants to see me too. And so do all human beings.
Me: It doesn't disturb you we never get to see the real you, just bits that we distort to our view?
Edgar Cayce: There is no distortion here. It is not a fake vision, if it is what you mean. it is merely a state of who I am that answers better to you then others.
Pause
(Here he made me do another big breath before continuing. One of many)
Me: Can you explain further?
Edgar Cayce: Souls are very subjective to the human mind. We appear to you to what will make a durable impression and give you a sense of completion with the universe.
Pause
(He made me take another big breath with loud expiration)
Edgar Cayce: Souls are always interconnected as we are one and only soul in the end. God. The reflection of light that is sent everywhere in the universe is a pale copy of what really is but always carries inside of it the real divine design. All is connected.
Me: So it is, somehow, also an active imagination and not just mediumnity?
Edgar Cayce: So much need to categorize what simply is. Your need narrows the real issue, as I said, All is One. Going beyond that defies the purpose of what life really is. You do not need to understand to feel love, yet you want to put a label on what is happening here. Isn't love enough. Enough proof to rest your (he said an adjective I couldn't really hear or understand) heart?
Me: You think I should just be content to feel the love without having to communicate verbally?
Edgar Cayce: Communication is a strange things when on Earth. You think you understand things through words, but really the best communication is the one of the heart. Love will always be the way human beings communicate the best. In that state of love, they feel what really is, the matter of all things. In love, they don't need to understand every detail. They understand that the details are them. Who they are. All becomes again one and then the human form can elevates itself to the rank of God and remember who he is and what he came here to do. Be one of the many reflection of God on Earth.
Me: What about the people who don't believe?
Belief is not necessary to do the work of God. God is everything you want it to be. It can be your dog, your flower, your ambition, your love of nature, your need to succeed to feel a sense of achievement. God is in everything, everywhere, surrounding you, not judging your needs and your wants. Always present.
Me: And what happens in those dark hours when our heart can't open anymore? When we don't even feel the presence of God?
Edgar Cayce: God is there every step of every path for everyone for eternity. There is not one soul, there is nothing alive or inanimated that isn't filled with the essence of God.
Me: I feel your love for God. So pure. I wish I could feel the same.
Edgar Cayce: (talking about himself) That body knows God, as the quest for His name was in every waking moment of his life. But you do too have such love in your heart. You resist because you feel that the word God resonates different with everyone, you fear it is associated with religion, that through you, you are forming a church of belief and you don't want to carry such an enterprise.
Me: This is true. I do not like imposing views on people, not even on me.
Edgar Cayce: God is...
(I went to get water on his recommendation, drank, breathed deeply again a few times with strong expirations. I can tell it is starting to tire me out and I can't keep it for long. When he continues where he left off I can tell he changed what he was about to say.)
Edgar Cayce: God is like a child in your heart. I am adapting the view to your need so you can understand and grasp it better.
Children are free to play, without a care in the world if they feel they are secure. They can frolic in the fields and discover parts of nature, get some of the unexpected and go back to their parents knowing they will get comfort.
This image of God suits you well. Adapted to your needs. God in that way is your parent, your house, your protection and you are his child. He is also the child as he is you at the same time, the rock you sit on, the stream you are looking at, the bird that sings to you. He is in everything that seems dead or alive to you. All is filled with His essence.
Me: (getting a feeling of realization) You are here to teach me about God?
Edgar Cayce: I did many times in this form. I did many times after. It doesn't matter how people see God. What name they give him, what anger they can throw at him. His love is unwavering and so strong, so untouchable, no hard feeling of any kind can make him stop loving or make the love dwindle or fade.
Me: Is this the only purpose of your presence with me?
Edgar Cayce: You called me. I am here.
Me: I called you?
Edgar Cayce: Not willingly or knowingly, if it is what you mean. but we are many here by your side. Always, do you have an impressive array of people taking care of you. You are never alone in that regard. but your mind has a hard time accepting that fact. That all the answers are already here. That the voices that your hear can already guide you. You don't trust them yet. You don't know them yet, so you call for what feels familiar and not dangerous to you, to help you connect. There is nothing wrong with that. I am here and so are many.
(He makes me breathe again)
Me: I can tell it is too difficult to continue, not enough sleep. Do you want to comment on that please, to help me?
(Makes me breathe again)
Edgar Cayce: Sleep is abandonment. Trust. You don't possess these things just yet. You still struggle to keep the past alive and want to hold on to what you knew, even though it hurt you.
(Makes me breathe again. it is really hard to keep up the connection as I am really tired at that point)
Edgar Cayce: Only through releasing resistance can you find the true place in your heart where everything sings and where you feel at peace.
Your body is tired. We have to finish this entretient (the French word came up instead of "talk" or "discussion". happens when my mind can't keep up with one language, it will change to the next one without breaking stride.)
Me: Thank you
Edgar Cayce: I felt a strong and powerful wave of love before it faded to a whisper as I can tell he is still here, just not talking.
A few comment
I started the conversation in English myself, it could have gone either way. I have noticed in the past that they can really switch language with my own thoughts and language is not a barrier to them.
I wrote the whole thing in one go, expect for all the pauses he made me take and the time I had to go get water. There is but one scratch at the end of the message on the word "releasing", as I wrote it badly and thought I wouldn't be able to reread myself later. I also made a comment in the margin while typing this and was in the wrong spot so had to scratch it to.
The dialogue is often not spaced, and often doesn't have punctuation, so I added some for reading purposes.
The message is written in my writing and it flows and is, for the most part, easy for me to read. It doesn't always happen that way, as when I connect to high vibrating beings, those that defy what I can feel with angels and guides, I usually keep my eyes half closed, as it is too much to bare and I can't see where I write much and it gets harder to decipher after.
Technicalities aside, I feel elated as this is one of the most beautiful moment I had in my life. Each one seems to top the last one and I feel so grateful to have been able to not stay in fear and not interrupting him or doubt him or all the things I used to do during a message.
I need a lot of rest today and I hope I will be nice to myself and take it.
It is quite a strange thing to share all of this that can feel so private, but somehow I know that his words, even if catered to me, can also touch others. Whatever your beliefs are, I hope this can give you a sense of wholeness too. Most of all, I just hope that you find your own truth in it and your own sense of self.
Good day everybody and thank you so much for keeping with me. I know the circle of readers is still small. It doesn't matter, as I would do it anyway with no one reading at all, as it feels like a calling, something I can't resist. But I want to express my gratitude to you all, as every time you take the time to read me, you all help me on my path and even though I don't know who you are, I thank you with all my heart for it.
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