Enjoying the wave of inspiration

This feels new, but it's old new. Feeling wholesomely happy, is not something I have felt many times in my life. Or maybe I did and forgot because too many things went wrong and those took too much importance and shadowed the rest.

It is an incredible feeling to realize it doesn't take much to bring  life back to what was on the brinks of extinction. To be honest I don't think I did anything for it. Nothing special anyway. Nothing that I could say: this is it! This is the recipe! I guess it all comes back to the fact that life is not a recipe after all and that whatever happened that finally changed my fate is not something I could reproduce even if I tried.

It feels to me, in retrospect, that all it took was two waves of inspiration. One to write this blog, one to write the novel. How can one force inspiration? To my humble knowledge, all my life it came to me when it decided to, not when I wanted to. It sweeps everything around. I don't have enough hours to sleep, to eat and write or exercise. Everything that is not writing will have to cry out loud for me to notice, yet it can go away as fast as it came for no reason at all.

So I try my best to enjoy what is. It is not a calm happiness, the one that comforts the heart, but a fast moving one that is almost a race against the clock.

Well, I have learned in the last few years of my life that I can do very little by myself. Life seems to be this powerful force that decides more then I do when things can come true. This pretty much goes against everything a business person believes in. I don't feel the master of my destiny. I don't own the day. All I do is collaborate with the force of life, with God, with whatever is there that pushes things or makes them still.

I feel all I have to do is to be responsive, a yes-woman who just agrees to everything that life sends me.

I have struggled all my life to adhere to the business way of seeing things. Try to think I can make the world what I want it to be. But honestly, when I let go, when I let life do it's thing and collaborate with it, that's when I feel powerful.

Masters came to me once, they just started talking when I was walking to go shopping and told me that the master doesn't need to do much action. He waits for the right one and then acts. That all we have to do is be not do.

I am no master and merely an apprentice, but I can see the wisdom in those words. Learn to accept the droughts and the floods in our lives, learn to appreciate the summer and the winter, the harvest and the seeding seasons.

It seems to me that to live a happy life, what we need, is a lot of acceptance for the the things we can't change. Pretty much what they say at AA meetings. Easier said then done though.