I know for a fact what I can't do. I am no psychic at all. I have tried many tests and failed them all so miserably that my results were even less good than what guessing would have provided. Anyone's guess is better then my psychic abilities!
I can't read minds or remote viewing or predict the future or move objects. I am the most ordinary person in that aspect. The closest I can remember doing something I used to call "cool" was in my early 20's when I used to play basketball in the schoolyard next to our house. I loved making believe I was a Jedi like in Star Wars and trying to dunk balls with my eyes closed from a reasonable distance. The results were also quite surprising as I actually was dunking quite a lot of them that way. But that's about it. Not sure it's anything psychic, more like becoming one with the ball and the net and picturing it in my head.
I don't think I can talk to dead people either, like close ones, to bring closure. It basically seem to limit itself to guiding. Giving people access to their higher self through messages coming from their guides or angel. I have seen people getting really close to real people who died and those became their guides. It seems to me that if there is no guiding I just can't connect, at least for now.
Then I find myself looking in other people's backyards and finding their grass greener then mine. If only I could "see" things, I could help the police, if I could see ghosts I could help clean houses, if I had trances, I could make people hear and see what I feel instead of giving a message on paper.
It always looks so much better outside, but I know that the reality of it is as hard as mine. The medium I met in polarity class finds it annoying that every time she has a trance it takes all her energy and she doesn't remember anything after. Her aunt keeps being haunted at night liberating lost souls through her dreams. It is extremely difficult on her and I don't think she ever has normal sleep ever. I have read lately about a young girl who has powers so strong that she started choking her assailant through her own thoughts and got scared to death when she realized her eyes had turned grey.
In light of all this, I have to come back to my own yard and see that we all have different paths. Maybe it's like someone who realizes they want to be a football player but are too skinny or someone who wants to pilot planes but is colorblind. We might have dreams of how it could have happened for us, but it's not what we always get in the end.
To others it might seem cool to be able to connect to angels and guides and everything with high energies and for me, I don't want to be ungrateful, but it is hard to feel I am doing something so disconnected from our "real" life here.
Of course it touches people deeply. I even saw someone change theirs ways 180 degree after a message. Like something clicked for them. But I also saw people refuse to believe which led me to more doubts. (those didn't happen often, but those are enough to seed the doubt in the mind)
In the light that we are deeply spiritual being first, I am humbly touched to have the ability to do what I do, but in the society we live in this is not an easy gift to have. It is far from exact science and as you can tell, for those who read all the blogs, the human factor influences this gift a lot.
It's not something that can be done with wonky emotions that are going all over the place. I have great respect for those who have true gifts and can find a balance in their lives where most of the time they can have a normal life.
I think I still have resistance to fully start getting higher in energies again. I know how much it can make me feel disconnected from real life and I know I need to try so I can learn and get better.
With the amount of people developing extra perception skills you would think we would have schools for that. It is a domain that is still largely populated with frauds, how could we be sure the teachers would be real? Yet I can tell, that everywhere I go on the internet to read about young mediums, young people who are discovering a new set of skills, there is no secure place to turn to. Yet this feels more and more necessary as too many souls, like me, are left alone thinking they are crazy or weird or trying to deny what happens.
Maybe as I get to understand better what I can do and how I can help, maybe everything will sort itself out. Maybe I'll finally find my little niche where I fit in!
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