Note to self: spiritual progress is not a diet

I am starting to wonder if I should take breaks away from this blog from time to time, as I can tell today that I have nothing to write about. I think I consider this blog my medium workout. A place where I can go everyday and feel I have done something to get better. But there is a fine line between getting better and forcing it and I am starting to feel it.

I am a human being after all, with ups and downs, some days are filled with exiting things to say and some just aren't.

I think I am afraid that if I don't come here every day I will abandon it, and with it, abandon what I started. After 23 days, I can only hope, I have acquired the proper incentive to come here for the right reasons and not to do it because I have to. But knowing how flighty I can be and how much my interests are wavering so often and so fast, this scares me justly, as I know I am hitting a wall and that if I don't work past it I might just give up.

The problem is the mentality behind it. That mentality that I have to do a diet that controls how I am going to become a better person. Weigh every single detail as if I am never good enough the way I am right now. Using spiritual progress as if it were a diet is really counterproductive. A diet wants you to force something out and forces something in instead, a very forceful way that has nothing to do with common sense.

I have been like that a lot, not so much for food, but a lot for self-improvement. Thinking I had to work at it so much to realize in the end things don't change much. We are who are are. We can calm certain aspects of our personality we don't like, but they might never disappear. Again it's all about acceptance.

Fact is, I am quite happy about the way things are going right now, if I don't over-analyse it. I have been starting to have moments of calm again when I have inspiration for nothing. Weirdly enough, this feels amazingly good after so much work.

This really feels like a transition, a yoyo state that brings something new every day and nothing steady. It is quite challenging and I will need to start figuring out what I really want with this blog now that the first wave of inspiration for it is gone. I hope I can do it with respect for myself and let go of the need to be perfect all the time.