One thing attracted my attention yesterday. I went to the library and saw one of Sylvia Browne's new book "Afterlife of the rich and famous". The information revealed through her guide felt like a very water down version of what I saw and experienced when I started out as an apprentice on that path. I didn't understand how a medium that has written so many books and has such a reputation could explain the spirit world in such a simplified vision of it. Then I thought of what my angel told me. That we see the spirit world through our own goggles, our own perception.
This is my problem with mediums in general, when they present a vision of the spirit world that is simplified to the extreme and make it seems that that's all there is to it. Not telling people that all they get is their perception of things. A kindergarten version so beginner's can learn how it works. Their over-confidence and lack of humility always makes me very uncomfortable to use the word medium for myself as I don't want to be associated with their practices.
I understand that there is a use for that kind of mediums. Not everyone wants to delve in the core of everything. Some just want a knowledge that browses the surface. But I think what bugs me so much is that not many working mediums will actually tell you that their perceptions are very limited and that what they bring is only that: a perception. They won't tell you they are teachers that only can give a limited access until we learn to open ourselves more to get higher levels of information. They will on the other hand be very strong and confident about what they bring back. They will dazzle you like magicians.
Today I feel a little down because of that. I feel very small. Who am I to know any of that anyway? I am merely a student myself. I am no magician. I am very ordinary and I lack the luster mediums usually have. I have no interest in making belief I bring back the truth. I am crippled with doubts. I don't know where I fit in the world of mediums. I don't know why I should even bother. Who cares really about delving in their own world. I feel my gift is a curse today because there is no way ever I will find a way to really be who I am and make a living out of it.
Sorry folks, a little bout of insecurities. Can't help it. Happens sometimes when I am in contact with an active medium who makes a living and it is not how I want to do things myself. It becomes very hard for me to see that there are many paths and not just the one I don't want to embark on. My field of vision is very small today. All I can see is that people seem to love Sylvia Browne and her water down version of things and I know I can't be like that. That's not who I am..I know she has helped and comforted many people in her own way and this alone is a great thing, but I can't seem to see past the fact that what is good for her is not good for me.
Because I am not new to those insecurities, I know, somehow, that this is a fleeting thought, a very well known fear that there is just no place for someone like me in this world, and it will pass. I will find confidence again. Right now I just wish I was not a medium because I have zero idea how to fit in this world I don't really like. I don't know how to relate to mediums I don't really respect. I just wish I wasn't one today.
Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment